Coaching Presence- A Key Competency to Gift your Client With

In my previous blog I have written about the critical roles trust and intimacy play in coach-client relationship. Trust is an outcome of behaviours done consistently over a period of time- no short cuts here! Long period of staying ‘invested’ in a relationship with transparency and respect helps achieve this. How do you achieve these in your coaching relationship? Your time is ticking!

I am exploring one of the building blocks to achieve the state of trust and intimacy with your client through what we call- coaching presence! The meaning of word ‘Presence’ is to be available or to exist at a certain place or time. Coaching presence then, is to be fully present with your client- moment-by-moment and at times in physical reference too. We will explore the nuances of coaching presence and how to effectively achieve it in a coaching relationship.

A typical coaching session can have transcripts that might read as,

Coach: “…Hello Jim! How’re you doing this evening?”

Client: “Hi Peter. I am great. Thank you.”

Coach: “Is there anything that you need to ‘clear’ out before we begin today’s session?”

Here the coach is attempting to ‘clear’ out any pattern that might be playing heavy on client’s mind and can potentially keep him/ her away from being fully present in the coaching process. It’s a pattern interrupt. Similarly, for a coach to be the most effective it’s equally, if not more, important to be fully present 100% with his client. He’s ‘in-sync’ and fully ‘dancing-in-the-moment’ with the client thereby brings the most authentic-self as a coach. In this context of defining coaching presence this observation from Silsbee (2008) is profound “…Presence is a state of awareness in the moment, characterised by the felt experiences of timelessness, connectedness and a larger truth.”

Let’s see why it’s such a critical competency of a coach to exhibit coaching presence as a process,

• ‘Safe-space’ for the client: Coaching presence helps create the safe space for the client where she can go deep inside to dig out the inner-most gifts and resources. It’s critical for the client in order to create a different reference-frame where solutions emerge
• ‘Co-creating the magic of coaching relationship’: Master coaches would always go by the client’s agenda and ready to experiment and explore each other’s vulnerabilities- nothing seems rigid in this game, always fluid to take a new route. The coach in this state cares little about the process and smoothly glides through with agility, innovation and mutual learning as the hallmark.
• Establishing the most authentic self of the coach: Being fully present and in-the-moment will help establish the authenticity in the coaching process and relationship. The coach moves to the state similar to ‘unconscious competence’ in learning and coaching.

The very essence of coaching presence by a coach will make the client lower his/ her guard and explore the gifts and resources deep within. The coach helps the client explore and experiment with various thoughts, ideas and plans tapping her own resources- the coach is fully listening- a deep listening and no place for judgements here.

For professional coaches, the mastery over coaching presence is a journey like any other competency-building. Every coach progresses through a maturity continuum from being trained to attaining mastery. As one moves up the curve these skills become innate and spontaneous. However, the following logical steps might help new coaches gain proficiency faster and make this capability all natural,

• Self-awareness & reflection: Being actively self-aware in the initial coaching episodes and through training a coach can take the initial journey. Reflection is a key element.
• Meditation: Meditation is shown to have favourable effect in developing presence and ‘mindfulness’
• Video-taping initial episodes should help the coach review his own process and supervision by master coaches
• Centring and deep breathing help calm nerves and helps the mind be fully-present
• Developing a mind-set to let go of the process without ignoring the elements and their deeper connect to help the client

When a coach undergoes his journey towards mastering the coaching presence, he will soon realise that coaching steps and processes come naturally to him and doesn’t require exerting his ‘coach’s hat’. Like any other professional- a sportsperson or a singer, the coach effortlessly flows through his coaching. In other words, coaching presence gives a coach his ‘sweet-spot’ in coaching relationship.

Let’s examine how does coaching presence impact the coaching relationship?

• With coaching presence in full swing a coach transcends to ‘Being’ coaching from ‘Doing’ coaching- in other words, it allows client to connect with deeper-self (Being) from the superficial one (Doing)
• Higher order trust between the coach and the coachee leading to superior and lasting outcomes
• Helps develop presence in the coachee too. Research into clients’ behaviour establishes that they start unconsciously develop their own presence and hence moving from quick-fixes to permanent solution

With coaching presence a coach innovates and demonstrates flexibility in the process and learning. He is equally vulnerable and might not know the client’s state and hence it makes the coach be more effective and connect with the client faster and deeper. A master coach with superior coaching presence can co-create the entire coaching experience in a magical fashion like building the aircraft while flying it. This being one of the competencies laid out by the International Coach Federation(ICF), can be built with experience and being self-aware. The coaching relationship can be highly fulfilling with coaching presence.

How do you work on building your coaching presence?

A-Z of Professional Coaching: ‘A’ for Awareness in Client

A professional coaching relationship is special in the sense that it has ‘human-potential movement’ (if I may coin that term) at its core and thereby has a super-ordinate goal much beyond performance goals alone. A holistic coaching framework hence should address both ‘Doing’ and ‘Being’ part of an individual. In that sense, the role of a coach as someone who holds a mirror to the client for increasing her self-awareness and inviting to dig deeper into herself to treasure-hunt the natural gifts and talents. This is very critical and different from some other relationships such as mentoring, training, counselling and consulting. The coach is no expert in the client’s domain of work and still gets the client achieve the best of herself is through inviting her tap into richer and fuller resources that might have been buried deep inside. This brings up the competency of a coach as creating awareness in the client as one of the cornerstone capabilities for a coach.

We have spoken of coaching as a process in guided self-discovery. The coach’s prime tool in this journey is powerful questioning whereby the client is invited to go deeper and explore the innermost beauties and come up with solutions to the issues at hand. The coach obviously has no agenda of his own and goes by the agenda of the client. This is critical in creating a safe space for the client to reveal those magnificent talents and gifts. The whole coaching journey is exploratory in nature and often both the coach and client have no clue what’s next to be discovered albeit they have the guiding philosophies and a deep faith in one’s true gifts and talents.

Why is creating awareness in a client such a critical piece in coaching relationship?

Coaching is not for quick-fixes but sustainable changes, mostly in behaviours and beliefs. These are to be effected through inside-out approach rather than the other way. Tapping into one’s resources, beliefs and reference-frames are the levers to bring about these long-lasting changes. A coach often asks the client to act from adissociated state. This is similar to visualize oneself playing out on the centre-stage from an audience place in a theatre or similar to a director seeing the actor playing out the part in front of the camera. This dissociated state creates profound insights about the performance as whole and then as the coach coaxes the client into certain action (using thought-provoking questions) for her to bring about the desired changes- both Doing & Being selves! The client generates solutions and the coach allows her to pursue them. There is no hint of the coach dictating any solution to the client.

The obvious discussion then should be on how to create awareness in a client during coaching conversations?

Before we go to the above, let me be upfront in saying that for a coach to create awareness in a client it’s a pre-requisite for the coach to be fully aware of his own thoughts, prejudices, biases and likings. Otherwise, he might run the risk of unduly influencing and colouring the thoughts and beliefs of the client- not a desirable thing in coaching! The coach can successfully create a safe and explorative environment for the client by asking powerful questions to shift reference-frames, challenge existing beliefs and a creating coaching presence for the client. The following approaches to create awareness in a client are well documented and practiced,

• Powerful questioning: The critical importance of incisive questions in coaching has been well documented. The premise that a client has all the answers and solutions to issues within themselves – the coach only helps through exploration and the process himself explores all possibilities and learns more about the client.
• Silence in a coaching conversation: A master coach would often ask the client powerful questions and practices deep listening where silence is an integral part. Often the client upon contemplation comes up with responses such as- ‘Wow! That’s terrific – never thought of that earlier’. This is a cusp in self-awareness where the coach practices silence and allows the client to further go deeper and continue that serious contemplation. Any input from the coach at this juncture could prove to be counter-productive and might shunt the free-flowing thought process of the client. Questions are useful at the two ends of tis contemplation continuum- at the beginning of the process where powerful questions stirs up the client and again towards the end where the client hints of some deep- revelations and then the coach tries to funnel down the process. Often you know that the awareness in a client is imminent when you see the client going silent and in reflective mode.
• Allowing the client to explore every possible strand of thought chain:Master Coaches are themselves as much explorer as their clients. They are driven by exploration rather than fixed solutions and their invitation to the client for the same far exceeds any possible hint of solution. Periodic encouragement with phrases such as ‘Wow’, ‘How magnificent is that’,‘Wonderful’ are catalysts that propel the client further in the journey. A coach might ask the client for confirmation- ‘What is this awareness all about, could you please share?’ or a simple statement such as ‘Allow yourself the magnificence of newly explored awareness’

 What next after Awareness? From Awareness to Action!

With the client gaining increased awareness about self, a belief or simply behaviour what next for her? The coach being fully present in the moment with the client cajoles the client what she would like to do with this heightened sense of awareness. Usually, the client contemplates and commits action based on the new found awareness. There are times when the client might wish to stay with the awareness for some more time and it’s perfectly right for the coach to allow the client to sink in with the sense of awareness and stay with it. It’s the client’s prerogative to decide the course of action and its timing once the awareness has set in. After all, clients action and her commitment will largely depend on how deep and touching are these newly discovered awareness.

Trust and Intimacy: The Elixir of Professional Coaching

Coaching is a professional partnership between a coach and a client in an empowering environment. The purpose of any form of coaching is to bring about lasting changes in beliefs and thus the accompanying behaviours. This is best achieved when the client has unconditional trust and fail-safe intimacy. You bet these to be easier said than done! …and this makes the process of professional coaching so much satisfying and fulfilling for the client and the coach alike. Trust can be held as the most basic of all coaching hygiene. With trust given, intimacy in the coaching relationship grows so that the client can share his/her vulnerabilities with the coach and more importantly, turn those insights and vulnerabilities into potent tools to embrace newer beliefs and behaviours.

Coaching relationship can be looked into like any other form of professional engagement in the sense that, the client expects clear outcomes and holds the coach with an expectation that s/he will undertake the journey together. This coaching journey is expected to be a process of revelation for both the coach and the client- Trust and Intimacy in the coaching relationship act as elixir. Many years back one of the business leaders spoke to me about coaching as a relationship where the coach doesn’t need to exert him/herself as a ‘coach’ and compared the process as a gentle breeze of air which you could feel only and can’t see! How subtle is the metaphor! A coaching process doesn’t have to be an act of ‘into the eyes’ but of excellence in spontaneity- both for the client and coach.

When a coach invites a client to be his/her true self and go-inside, really deep, so as to establish a strong connect with life’s purpose and values, the coaching process is in full bloom. The fragrance of this would evoke the client to reveal for him/ herself the innate resources and options which was hitherto untapped of by the client. The coach primarily does this by the asking the client powerful questions and deep listening. He is non-judgemental and allows the client to explore and express his/her natural gifts and life-purposes. This is the moment where new resources are explored and the client is made more resourceful by none other than him/herself. A coach fully shares the client’s agenda and is prepared to be vulnerable with the client and have the client be vulnerable with the coach. In essence, they’re co-creating the coaching relationship being equal partners in the process.

The following actions from the coach would help create an atmosphere of trust and intimacy with the client,

• Establishing coaching agenda- Begin with the end in mind: Getting the client clearly articulate the goals of engagement, the measures of success and the respective roles that the client and the coach have in the coaching relationship. This will make the whole process transparent and the partnership established from the word ‘go’. A coach is not a consultant, a mentor, a trainer or a psychologist. This basic step would create right expectations from the process and the coach thereby creating the building blocks of a mutually trusting relationship.
• (Deep)Listening with intent to understand the client: As a coach you would do great service to yourself and of course the client by deep listening without being judgemental. Holding client in all faith and fairness is the first step towards creating an element trust. Providing the client a fail-safe environment in order to explore his/her vulnerabilities and being truthful to oneself will help connect with deeper meaning and resources in life. In this way, the coach respects the client’s agenda without imposing his own. After all, coaching is a process of guided self-discovery. Being fully present in the moment and with the client is then natural offshoot of deep listening.
• Never divulge any of the client’s information: It’s hara-kiri of sorts! The coach receives all information from the client with deep humility and confidence. By revealing him/herself, the client is holding the coach in great responsibility and making both of them vulnerable in the process. Both of them are equal partners in the process. The coach has deep faith and trust in the process while client has in him.
• Actively create a safe place for the client: Each strand in a coach’s communication- verbal & non-verbal endeavours to create the ‘safe place’ to be in no matter what the current state is! This fail-safe atmosphere encourages the client to delve deep inside without being asked to do so. This is the beginning of recognizing the current pattern and then in a thought-provoking manner the coach askes the client to ‘interrupt’ that pattern. This non-judgemental and empathetic act of coach helps his client move forward in the process of guided self-discovery and initiative on permanent change of belief and behaviour.
• Be explorative not prescriptive in your approach: The coach must respect the client’s view of the situation and doesn’t exhibit any signs of his interests or views of the situation. The coach begins the coaching journey being ignorant of the client’s state and trusts the process of coaching for a guided self-discovery for the client and enlightenment as a coach. The coach is ready to explore his own vulnerabilities for the coaching relationship to flourish. He along with the client is ready to explore possibilities and empowers the client to decide for him/herself.
• Walk-the-talk & talk-the-walk: A coach’s most authentic self should bear the stamp of integrity. Right from smaller procedural elements such as showing up on time for the coaching engagement to bigger things such as maintaining the privacy of the client should be genuine and the coach should walk-the-talk. Keeping any promises as part of the coaching conversation should be held sacrosanct. For the client’s smallest of the accomplishments the coach must acknowledge and celebrate, in other words, talk-the-walk. While he does so, he also needs to keep a ‘dissociated’ approach from the entire event so as to avoid personally getting entangled in the process. This might require practice and after sometimes this comes as natural and spontaneous where he doesn’t need to ‘act’ as a coach

While these behaviours of the coach will ensure that the trust takes root in the coaching process, these are to be demonstrated throughout the engagement. This will, over a period of time, help him coach for ‘being-self’ moving beyond the ‘doing-self’ of the client. By encouraging the client to connect at ‘deeper-level’ to explore various resources within, the coach is weaving the magic of long-lasting changes.

Powerful Questioning: Life-blood of Professional Coaching

ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential, which is particularly important in today’s uncertain and complex environment. Please mark the key phrases here; ‘thought- provoking’ and ‘creative’! We will deal with them in subsequent paragraphs.

The word ‘Coaching’ comes from ‘coach’ meaning- to transport something from one place to the other; here in the world of professional coaching it means shifting client’s frame of reference from one state to the other in order to elicit lasting behavioural changes- a precursor for sustainable ‘Doing’ and ‘Being’ changes in client’s life. In order to affect such a shift, the coach has the most trusted and versatile tool- Insightful questions! Like any other forms of effective human interaction and conversation, questions are the most powerful levers that prod the listener (read, client) into self-introspection and deep-diving within him/herself. A professional coach operates with the fundamental doctrine that a client has all the resources and wherewithal within him/herself to make the desired transformation. Then a coach facilitates a process similar to ‘guided-discovery’ and incisive questions are the cornerstone of the approach a coach adopts. Such powerful questioning is both an art and a science – art in the sense that a coach masters the craft of such incisive questions through practice and experience; science in the sense that an impactful question has a definite anatomy- we can call it ICE- Intent, Content & Experience (for the client).

As professionals, we know that open-ended and closed-ended are the two broad types of questions to elicit desired response in a conversation. However, for a coach any and all open-ended questions are just not good enough! If a coach partners with a client in thought-provoking and creative episodes of coaching engagements then the coach must go beyond the usual engagement questions (often the open-ended types) to those which have the potential to create a shift in the reference-frame for the client. This is achieved by the coach by creating a certain ‘vacuum’ or ‘space’ in coaching parlance. This space is a uniquely powerful and a provocateur of sort for the client, nudging him/her into self-reflect mode wherein the client goes deeper into him/herself and try to dig out the unique attributes, natural gifts and talents. In a way, such questions make the client more resourceful. The most impactful of coaching questions effectively create this space or vacuum. For example, a good open ended question in normal conversation might sound as ‘What all options do you have to cope-up with the irresistible issue at home front?’ However, for a coaching conversation in similar circumstances the coach might ask his client ‘In case the approach that you have chosen fails what other alternatives could you think of?’ The latter assumes that the client has already reviewed his/her options (if not already, then it does provoke the client to swing into action) and is resourceful enough to creatively think and decide for him/herself. This is a great deal of empowerment and taking control of the situation for the client.

Subsequently, we look into the process of powerful questioning (one of the eleven core competencies of a professional coach from ICF) and we can divide this section into three distinct aspects- objective of asking evocative questions, what incisive questions are and what incisive questions are not!

First, the purpose for a coach to ask such powerful and sometimes discomforting questions to the client is to

• Shake and shift the frame of reference for the client with which s/he approaches the issue at hand
• Provoke the client to get in touch with his/her deeper sense of purpose, often called life-purpose and values
• Create and visualize a future that doesn’t exists now but with a premise that the client has necessary resources within self to bring this creative piece into fruition

The coach often acts out of sheer inquisitiveness and curiosity to learn the client better and in the process make the client more self-aware too- a journey of guided self-discovery and contemplation that nudges the client into action. Deep-listening in conjunction with such evocative questions make for the perfect pair of tools that a professional coach often employs. When the coach poses such impactful questions followed by a deep listening and being present with the client, it creates the vacuum (space) for the client to discover alternatives and resources which otherwise would have eluded him/her. This is precisely what many a coaches call ‘interrupting the pattern’. After all, coaching is to break the usual flow and allow the client to divert the flow in an uncharted terrain and such conversations mediated through evocative questions help the client see and pursue a new path to meaningfulness in life.

What isn’t a powerful question in coaching context? This will help us frame what powerful questioning in coaching is. A coaching question is NOT,

• A tool or technique to establish the coach as intellectually and cognitively superior to the client (spare that for the mentors)
• An approach by the coach to engage in a verbal duel (spare that for the consultants)
• A means to elicit reams of information that are rooted in the past with little emphasis for forward looking discourse by the client (spare that for managers)

So far we have spoken of open-ended powerful questioning techniques. Professional coaches are craftsmen of timely closed-ended questions also. These closed-ended questions help the client zero-in on the outcomes and action-steps. How to optimally place a closed-ended question in a coaching conversation is a skilful task- do it pretty early in the conversation and you have the client submitting by saying ‘I don’t know’! When applied at the opportune time in the course of coaching engagement these questions will jolt the client into serious contemplation and subsequently, into action. So we see definitive roles that various types of evocative questions have in a powerful coaching engagement. A master coach will ask such incisive questions with élan and ease thereby making the coaching conversation more natural and spontaneous- hygiene for the client to reveal his deeper states of meaning and resourcefulness.

As we often say, powerful questioning in coaching is a journey to unknown but welcoming future state for both the coach and the client- a journey that every professional coach worth his salt has to undertake for the superior coaching outcome. Are you ready yet?